I really need to be working on Scott's 2nd month post. It's such a daunting task for some reason. I had most of it done on September 3 and then somehow lost nearly all of it. I just can't find the energy to type/remember it all again. Such a real struggle, huh? My goal is to do it this week.
I was at Walmart for my weekly grocery shopping and came across a new mom. She was young and it seemed like being at Walmart with her four week old son was not something she planned to be doing for many more years.
She had a list and hand full of WIC coupons. On every aisle she was talking to an employee or another customer trying to figure out what brands were WIC approved. Obviously, she wasn't very familiar with it all.
I imagined myself in that situation with Scott in the grocery cart. I would have been a crying mess. The stress of having a new baby, plus grocery shopping with the newborn, having to strategically think about everything I put in my cart, and probably worrying about money and the future.
Well, that wasn't this mom. She was graceful, kind, cheerful, and showed no ounce of pride as she asked people to help her understand how her government assistance worked.
Her cart was filled with Similac and diapers. While mine was filled with things like organic sugar and coconut oil. I was certainly convicted and knew the Holy Spirit was moving in my heart to help her in some way.
I was next to her as we were both in the dairy section perusing the cheese. If you don't believe the Lord speaks to people you are 100% mistaken. There is no shadow of doubt that He told me to unzip my purse, open my wallet, and hand her some cash.
And my response? "I'll do that, but let me start by telling her how cute her baby is." In other words, that's kinda awkward, God, and I don't to hand her cash in front of all these people. It might embarrass her.
And my next response? This is Brent's money. I really shouldn't be handing out his hard-earned money without permission. What a noble wife I am. Not giving to those in need so I can hoard every penny my husband makes. News flash, Brittany, it's not Brent's money and he would agree that you should do what the Lord wants with the cash in your wallet. You don't need your husband's permission when you have a commandment from God. Although it might be wise to tell him what God commanded.
So I did what any proper Southern woman would do...I told her how precious her baby is and walked off knowing I completely ignored what God told me to do.
He didn't tell me to compliment her baby. He told me to meet her physical needs. And all I had done was tell her what tons of people had already said before me.
"Your baby is precious."
I continued walking, knowing that I had screwed up, and promising God if He would let me run into her again I would obey. But, I had all my groceries and all that was left on my list was hand soap. Ya know...on the other side of the world because Walmart can seem like the size of a small country. I doubted I would actually see her again. On a Saturday afternoon. In Walmart.
Honestly, since I was there during the Bama game I thought customers would be few and far between because all the Bammers would be at home watching the game. WRONG.
I got my hand soap and got in the checkout line. The whole time I was standing there I knew God was telling me to walk back to the grocery side and hunt her down. Find that new mom that is beautifully hiding all of her worries and hurts and offer some help. So I got out of line and walked toward the groceries. God reminded me that all the money in the world is His and it's His to do what He wants. He would have taken care of that new mom and her baby regardless of my obedience. But he chose to love and provide for this mom through me. I'm just a vessel and I was honored to be used.
I walked up and down every aisle on the grocery side. And you know that was no quick trip! I looked for her everywhere. I even walked through the baby section and I never saw her. So I meandered back to the dreaded check out lines and got in line behind a woman buying groceries for an army and had enough coupons to save everyone in Walmart $50. Just my luck. I was so wrapped up in thinking about how long I'd be standing in line that I paid no attention to who was around me. I heard the cashier in the lane next to me ask her customer how old her baby is. That caught my attention only for baby reasons (I was literally so baffled by all the groceries on the belt in front of me I COMPLETELY forgot about the new mom). I turned around and there was that young, secretly desperate mom standing next to me.
I tapped her on the shoulder and this is how the conversation went:
Me: I don't want to be awkward, but the Lord is telling me to talk to you.
New Mom: Okay. (with a confused grin)
Me: If I give you some cash will you accept it?
New Mom: Umm, yeah. It's free money right?
New Mom: I've had someone do this for me before. (she says confused as to why people just hand her money)
Me: Well, it's because God loves you and wants to take care of you and your sweet baby.
New Mom: Thank you.
I was fighting tears the entire conversation. The flesh in me kept telling me I had done a good thing, therefore God will bless me. But the truth is I am blessed, therefore I can do good things. Without Christ in me, there wouldn't even be a trace of compassion found in me. I might feel sorry for her, but without the love of Christ in me nothing I did for her would matter eternally. He orchestrated every bit of this. The hand soap on the other side of the store. Getting in line, getting out of line. Walking through the entire grocery section a second time. Just so there would be enough time for the two of us to stand next to each other in the check out lanes. I pray that God will take my money and use it for more than a can of Similac.
He's good. He is truly good. And he cares deeply for us.