I wrote this post nearly a month ago.
Then I tweeked it a bit a week(ish) ago.
And I tweeked it again on Friday.
But the post had no end. We were waiting on the end to occur so I could finish the post.
The end came Friday afternoon and it left us frustrated, disappointed, and very discouraged. I deleted the whole thing. Actually, Brent deleted it for me. I didn't care to see the words ever again.
But I remember how it began and it went something like this:
I never thought I would leave Birmingham. Then I moved to Auburn, but only for a temporary four years. Then, Brent and I said "I do" two weeks after I graduated from Auburn and he moved me all the way down to Fort Myers, FL. 11 days later we were told we were being transferred to West Palm Beach. The answer was a very quick no and we asked for other cities. Our options were Birmingham, Mobile, Atlanta, Pensacola, and Huntsville. We chose Huntsville, just because, and four weeks later we were residents in North Alabama. After nearly five years, we are very thankful we chose this location "just because". And just like I never thought I would leave Birmingham, once I left I never thought I would move back. It's bittersweet news that we are moving back home!
This is where the details of Friday's story are now deleted. Because circumstances aren't what we thought they would be.
Brent is no longer selling insurance. He did everything possible by every means possible to make it happen. We don't know why God chose it to be this way, but it simply didn't work out. Sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles. You can do all the right things but God will have His way. That's why you can't look at your failures and be embarrassed (unless you brought circumstances upon yourself due to bad decisions/behavior). The reason things didn't work is not due to anyone's inability; rather, things didn't work out because God didn't want them to. It's really that simple and that's really the only explanation we can give.
That's also the only explanation we have for what happened next.
Brent went through three rounds of interviews with a company in Birmingham. It's the same company he worked for in Fort Myers and Huntsville. He is definitely qualified for the position, seeing as how he had already done the job for three years then gained more experience at other companies. We had no reason to believe the job wouldn't be his and each time Brent left the interviews, he felt confident that he would be offered the job. Which would explain our complete shock when he got a call yesterday afternoon saying the job was not his. Again, it's a simple explanation. God didn't want it to work out.
So that's what brought on the frustration, disappointment, and discouragement. We were left speechless, literally. We didn't talk at all for about the next five minutes. We weren't mad at each other or anything like that, we just had no clue what words could be said. And when we did start talking again, we didn't talk a bit about this subject because we still didn't know what to say.
We feel like we are at the end of about ten different roads. We are fervently seeking the One who knows how to turn these dead end roads into a straight and narrow path. We aren't asking why, we aren't looking for answers, we are just taking it one day at a time--making sure each day is pleasing to Him. I'm not going to lie, our circumstances absolutely stink. However, I adore that I am learning to trust Him for my every single need. I would much rather be right where I am, rich in Jesus, than have answers to the unknown, a good job, and gifts nicely wrapped under my Christmas tree.
God is sovereign. His plans are perfect. His ways are good. He is faithful. I am His child. He will provide for me.
And my Savior is constantly whispering to me, Be patient. I am purifying you, making you holy as I am holy. And, oh, that is exactly what I want. What an encouragement to hear the great I AM speak directly to me. I don't know how people who have no relationship with Christ go through trials in life. What peace I have to know there is a greater purpose.
Brent read Psalm 127:1 to me yesterday morning, Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. We are not to build our family on money, comfort, or anything else this world offers, but on God's firm foundation. We relinquish all control to build our family and place ourselves in His able and loving hands. Brent read Job 12:9-10 as well. Job's friends are trying to bring some reason to the calamity that has fallen upon him. I love Job's response, Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind. This is the Lord's doing, but it's not something we blame Him for, it's something we praise Him for.
I love what Randy Alcorn tweeted about a week ago, "We define our good in terms of what brings us health and happiness now; God defines it in terms of what makes us more like Jesus."
So what's next? Well, as Brent told me this yesterday, our goal is to thank and praise God for what He has done and what He will do. So, we take things one day at a time. We keep our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, in order for our circumstances to grow dim in light of his glory and grace. Practically? We are still moving to Birmingham, just not sure when the permanent move will happen. We are hoping to rent our house through a management company (oh...I didn't tell you that part...our realtor gave us an estimate of closing costs and fees. Sheesh! Selling our house is not something we can afford to do right now). We assume it's easier to find a job in Bham if we are in Bham, as opposed to Brent driving back and forth all the time. We are going to the Ham for this coming week and staying with my parents and the job hunt will ensue once again. And we'll go from there...
Sounds crazy, I know. But I don't mind crazy and I don't mind change.
No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.
May we be fully convinced, just as Abraham was, that God is able to do what He promised. And may we be found faithful.
We will keep you updated...post coming soon of our WONDERFUL going away party at church tonight by the youth and youth leaders.