Brent called me this afternoon and asked if Lily and I could come up to his office to see him. His day had been nothing but a big let down and he needed someone to cheer him up. Thankfully Lily is joyful 99.9% of the time because my encouragement juice ran out a long time ago. Not that I didn't want to encourage him, there just wasn't anything to be said that hadn't already been said and I didn't want to use empty words.
So we shared our frustrations instead. And all of those frustrations began with why. Why this and why that. We talked about how we had been honest with God and told him how frustrated, confused, and overwhelmed we were and that when we pray about it, we just can't find words anymore.
Once Lily and I got home, I was reading my twitter feed and saw a post for an article. The tweet said this:
"He knows that his plan will confuse and confound you. And he knows that real rest can not be found in understanding."
The rest of the blog can be found here. Oh how I love that when I think God is not saying a word, He humbles me and I finally hear what He's been trying to tell me all along.
I'm not always going to understand God's ways, actually, I will never truly grasp all that God is doing. Instead of chasing God to get answers to why why why, I just need to trust. Just like a parent says "because I told you so" to a child who is too young to really understand why they must obey, God wants me to trust Him because He told me so. Such a simple thing to hear, but such a surprisingly difficult thing to do.
No room for asking why anymore. No more seeking for understanding. If I'm supposed to understand, it will come as I trust.
And deep deep (really deep) down, I'm super excited. This season in our lives is preparing us for something else. I'm excited to find out what's next. I think that when we look back on this season, we will be in a place (physically and/or spiritually) that we never imagined. I'm such a dreamer and I tell Brent all the time that I think/hope God has plans for us that are not normal in American terms. Whatever our future plans, I'm sure I have no clue! Obviously, because we are clueless right now, haha! But I do know that we can only get to the next thing by going through this trial. And we can only get through this peacefully by trusting without seeking understanding.
I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself,
that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.