I'm not a worrier. Many that know me may disagree. But I'm not a worrier.
Unless I'm dealing with money...or the lack of it. Then, I'm one big ball of a mess of worrying. And it absolutely consumes me.
I guess you could say I am FREAKING OUT about money right now. Why? Because we don't have enough money in our bank account to last us through the month of April. Why am I telling you this? As Paul said in Philippians 4, "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
I'm not telling you this because we have a great need. I'm telling you this because in order for my life and this blog to be for His glory, I have to be transparent. I have to tell the whole story. I am also not having a pity party (although there are plenty of moments that I want to, I have to remember that we are in this position for a reason and a pity party is just going to put the focus on me and not on Him. He must increase, I must decrease John 3:30). I realize there are multitudes of people that have much greater needs and that I don't really know what it means to be in need compared to other situations. My life, no matter how little we have right now, is still luxurious to many.
Side note...just saw a commercial for Denny's...bacon meatloaf and bacon sundae???
Last week I decided it was time to do something with all this worry. It's not healthy. It wasn't only affecting me, but it was also affecting Brent because I began to doubt the success of his new career choice (which, ultimately, is not his choice but God's plan). So I had a little talk with Jesus, and I told Him all about my troubles. And ya know what I found...a little talk with Jesus makes it right. [insert musical notes]
And this is what He led me to (buckle up, this is gonna be a shocker): "For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6: 32-33
Maybe I'm just dumb, but for the first time ever I think I get this verse. I don't need to be seeking after all my needs and how they are going to be met. I need to be seeking the One who provides for my needs. He knows my every need, I don't. It's that simple. His job is to provide, my job is to stay focused on Him, the author and perfecter of my faith. The one thing I need to be concerned about is my relationship with Him because it is the only thing over which I have some control. I can't control how my needs will be met, I can only control how much I choose to trust the One who has already promised to provide for my every need.
On Wednesday, I took Lily to the doctor for a re-check on her ears. At her 15 month appointment, she had just recovered from a double ear infection but there was fluid still sitting on her ears. Dr. B put her on antibiotics and nasal spray and wanted her back in two weeks to see if the fluid was gone. I was slightly worried that if the fluid was still there that he would recommend tubes (ENT...been there done that). I don't mind getting tubes in her ears, but I do mind the expense! But guess what?! Her ears looked great...no fluid :)
He provides...for our health.
We just changed insurance and our co-pay went up in price. However, when I went to pay for her doctor's visit, I learned that we don't have a co-pay for well-baby visits. So, the co-pay I paid at her 15 month appt (which I didn't actually owe) went toward a $26 bill on shots that the insurance didn't cover and the rest helped pay for her co-pay Wednesday.
He provides...for our finances.
On the way home, I was thinking of my friend Beth. I thought about calling her to see if we could come see her and her sweet baby boy, but Lily was getting fussy and it was nap time so I thought it would be best to just go home and let her sleep. As soon as that thought processed through my brain, I got a text message from her that said, "Asking God this morning to provide your needs according to his riches and glory...in the midst of this storm He knows and hears you and will provide in ways that are not our ways." That last part is something I really have to remember...He provides in ways that are not my ways. If I had it my way, Brent would have sold 100 life policies yesterday. Ha!
He provides...wonderful friends and family.
I got home, put Lily down, and grabbed my Bible. I'm reading a devotional for a book review and the particular devo I read that day said, "Thank You that you are the great, faithful God who longs to give each one of Your children personal victories over the evil one...I praise you that these privileges give me increasing strength and victory through our Lord Jesus Christ--victory over Satan and all his schemes, victory over the world system and all its corruption, and victory over my own fleshly nature and failings. What a privilege, what a joy divine to be able to lean with full confidence on Your everlasting arms, which enable me to thrust out the enemy."
He provides...His Word.
The enemy is doing a darn good job at giving me situations that make me worry and doubt and I will admit that he is winning a lot.
But I'm very thankful that God gives me little victories like the ones on Wednesday that remind me of how stupid I am to ever think I have any reason to worry. Thankful also that He has mercy on me and my many shortcomings and remembers that I am but flesh (Psalm 78:39).
He provides...little victories.
Lord have YOUR way in me. Let me put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for what my mind and flesh really want to do...worry and doubt. (Romans 13:14).
This ain't easy and my faith has never been more challenged than it is right now. But THANK GOD He is working all things out for my good and for His glory!!! Otherwise we'd be up a creek. I know one day we will look back and think, "Why did we ever worry?" Well, the question will be more like, "Why did I ever worry?" because Brent isn't worried. Thankful for that! If he worried and stressed about money to the same degree that I do, it wouldn't be possible for the two of us to ever be under the same roof. Ha!