Surrender: Afraid to Pray

On my way to work every morning I pray out loud.

This past August, when school started again and I was taking Lily to and from daycare everyday, I prayed daily that God would provide a way for me to stay at home next year. I prayed that prayer with a lot of doubt. As the words fell out of my mouth I immediately thought to myself, "God doesn't want this, quit praying for it."

So I did. 

And I felt like God wasn't on my side and was working against me. I wanted one thing and he wanted another. 

I quit praying because I wanted so badly to stay at home, but I was afraid that God would say no, and I didn't want to hear that. I would rather ignore God and keep working. I didn't want to hear His response, unless it was a yes. So instead of praying for a yes or praying for God to change my heart, I just quit. 

No, I didn't stop praying altogether. I just decided in my heart that God had already said no and there was no need to keep praying for a way for me to stay at home. He didn't want it and it wasn't financially possible anyway. 

Done. Move on.

Lesson Learned: Don't be afraid to pray for what you think is impossible.

And I know what you're thinking...that I've already spilled the beans about the surprise. Not really. There is a twist, so just stick with me.


The Taffs said...

Are you my long-distance twin? I'm interested to see how this story goes...

Steve and Lindsey Austin said...

I love praying on my way to work, and there is something powerful about praying aloud and letting your SELF hear it.
And just the other day I was mentioning during worship how we have to allow God to move the MOUNTAINS in our way...especially when the MOUNTAIN is ME.

Can't wait to see how this unfolds. :)


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