9.17.2008

My most embarrassing moment...

I am such an emotional wuss. I'm not the kind of girl that will cry over sweet sappy songs, books or movies.  The only movie I have ever cried while watching was "The Notebook". But, I do cry at funerals, weddings, and any time I have to speak in front of people about something special to me. You are probably thinking, well of course, everyone girl cries in those situations. You are right, but the most embarrassing time in my entire life was due to tears. I cried at my Bridesmaid's Luncheon when I gave them their gifts. I cried on mission trips when I shared what was on my heart or what happened that day. I cry when I read blogs about babies who are terminally ill. I cry over pizza delivery/carry out, pancakes and yardwork (the 3 major arguments Brent and I have had since we got married). I cried almost the entire way through our wedding rehearsal. On our wedding day, I was nervous. Not because I was getting married, I was scared that I was going to cry. Why you ask?  Because when I cry, it's not just a few tear drops, it's the whole water works. It's an ugly, uncontrollable, and hyperventilating cry. There is no in between for me. On our wedding day, I cried while walking down the aisle (due to my parents singing the song to me that my dad wrote and sang for my mom on their wedding day, while I stood at the back of the sanctuary with my grandfather) and I cried all the way through the vows. I cried at our reception. I told the DJ to play "Would You Go With Me" by Josh Turner as our last song. When I heard that song, I began sobbing because I knew it was time to leave. Typically, a bride and groom are ready to leave the reception. I, however, was very upset about leaving because it was the last time I was going to see all my family and friends until Christmas (little did I know, I would be back in 2 weeks for house hunting in Huntsville). I think I hugged every single person that was still at the reception before we left. Then, after everyone was lined up outside to see us leave, I started sobbing again before I made it out the door. My photographer looked me in the eyes and said, "You are supposed to be happy. Dry up your tears." I didn't, I cried with a huge smile on my face while we ran to the car. It's tough being a girl. I felt a little better after this weekend when I went to friend's wedding and she cried pretty much through the whole ceremony. She is a dear friend of mine. She was my next door neighbor from one year of age until a few years ago. She asked me to read scripture in her wedding and of course I said yes. I was so nervous though. Once again, not nervous about reading in front of others, but nervous and worried about having an ugly, uncontrollable cry and not being able to get any words out for my sobbing.  I was the last person of three to read scripture so I had plenty of time to work my nerves up. By the time I went up to the microphone, my heart was beating out of my chest and I just knew I was going to lose it. However, I didn't! I read my passage with complete confidence and I didn't allow my eyes to wander over to the bride, who was crying while we read. No shaky voice, no tears, no mess ups, and I was even able to look at the guests while I read. That is a big accomplishment for me...here's why and here's my most embarrassing moment. 
In July 2007, a very good friend of mine from Auburn got married and I was in her wedding. At her rehearsal dinner, the wedding party was asked to give a toast. First of all, I had just gotten married less than 2 months before her and a lot had happened since my wedding (moving to Fort Myers, moving back to AL) and I was very reminiscent of my wedding, therefore I was already a little shaky. Second of all, I had never given an official toast before and this came completely unexpected. No preparation for this speech, just asked on the spot. At my table were my all of my good friends from Auburn. Rebecca was first, then Allison, and then there was me. I got the mic from Allison, stood up, said "I'm Brittany Von Kanel" and then absolutely lost all control of my emotions and the bottom fell out. I couldn't get a word out.  Allison kept thinking, "Should I take the mic from her and let her recover while I speak for her?" But she never did, thankfully. That would have made it even more embarrassing. I just kept crying, trying to breathe and trying with all my might to get some words out. I'm not sure that anyone understood what I said. I could feel their eyes staring at me, thinking, "What is wrong with this girl?" To make things worse, I barely knew the groom which meant I barely knew half the people in the room. I felt like such an idiot. When I was finally done with my "toast" Jessica got the mic from me and said, "thanks a lot." Jessica cries at nothing and I mean nothing and was completely shocked about my come apart and wasn't sure what to say. You may be saying, big deal, so you cried at a rehearsal. No no no, I did not cry at a rehearsal...I flat out had everyone swimming in river rapids of my tears when I was done. No one else shed a tear even the least bit. And now I will always be remembered as the girl who freaked out at the rehearsal and my friend's will never let me live this down. Please feel free to share your most embarrassing moment so I don't feel like I'm the only one. 

1 comment:

Random thoughts by Rebecca said...

haha, you may have sobbed like a nut at Ashley's rehearsal, but i'm the one who had to be the first down the aisle and sobbed like a nut at the wedding! and have no fear, my cry is ugly too! That was pretty embarrassing. Oh, and I can't forget the time in kindergarten where this boy "pantsed" me on the playground. I was mortified. And, in K I pooped in my pants on the playground. ... maybe that's why I don't like to play outside! hahaha!

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